Cancer and the Worthy Fox

I know a lot of what is listed below is not exclusive to being a cancer patient, but of course that is my perspective.

Enjoy a series of interesting thoughts, complaints, and hilarious remarks done in the style of Jeff Foxworthy's "You Might Be a Redneck."

If you have to explain medical jargon to a healthcare professional, you might be a cancer survivor.

If you can spell doxorubicin and ifosfamide but you've never won a spelling bee, you might be a survivor.

If you find the most unbelievable part of a movie the medical scenes because you know the color of the medicine isn't right, you might be a cancer survivor.

If you've ever considered Zofran a topping for hospital ice cream, you might be a survivor.

If you've ever thrown a fit because the CT imagining center has run out of regular Sprite, you might be a survivor.

If you've ever wanted to slap a pathologist for commenting that your veins are hard to find due to dehydration knowing full well you had to fast before seeing them, you might be a survivor.

If you've ever excitedly called your wife to come see your lone chest hair in your 30s, you might be a survivor, or just a really late bloomer.

If you've ever lost your ever loving mind over a 98.9 thermometer reading that could possibly force an ER visit, well then you just might be a survivor.

If you've ever had a family member bake dozens of homemade cookies to bring to the nurses during a hospital stay trying to bribe priority treatment, you might be a cancer survivor.

If you've ever had to explain that traveling to a specialty care center is not a vacation to a co-worker, you might be a cancer survivor.

If you use the hospital's remodeling as a way to tell time over the years, you might be a cancer survivor.

If you park on the 4th floor, enter the hotel on the 2nd, and check into the hospital on the 3rd, all without any stairs, elevator, or incline, you might be an M. D. Anderson cancer survivor.

If you have favorite places to use the bathroom over a few hundred miles stretch of the great United States, you might be a cancer survivor or just avid Disney World family.

If you travel so much the locals consider you a local, see above.