Cancer and the Blog Spot

Therapy Blogging

Therapy comes in many forms. It may be physician prescribed, therapist recommended, or self induced. The purpose of this particular blog is a mixture of all three. These writings are a way for me to get my thoughts out and in physical form so that they have place to go besides my head. Also, by putting these thoughts into a weekly blog, I will feel more accountable to actually do some writing and not hold my thoughts in as usual. Having undergone treatments and living with cancer I am in my head a lot. I daze off in most situations just lost in thought.
Every place in a hospital is a place of learning. Waiting rooms can teach you the value of silence, as it is usually a place with palpable anxiety. Of course not everyone follows these rules but another lesson you learn in waiting rooms is how to tune out just about anything. From a foreigner that doesn't understand how loud they are being on the phone, to a group of bible thumping old ladies openly (somewhat inappropriately) talking about death in a place where it is lingering above everyone; you learn to tune it all out. So what is left in the silence? Just your thoughts and internal prayers.
So here will be a transcription of my thoughts, full or errors, run-ons, and WTF moments. If you have never read any of my writing, I write very conversationally, I think in some hope you will remember my voice and take each of these as a digital epistle among friends.

So What's With the Title?

Already I know some of you are thinking, 'But you are cancer free right? Why the foreboding title?"

Well I hope to share my thoughts in relation to my disease. This isn't to say I only have these thoughts because I have had cancer but living through what I have, it completely changes your perceptions on just about everything. Which I know without doubt I have been changed, I've even changed drastically from having cancer the first time and an amputation, to the second occurrence and having my lymph nodes removed. Another reason I can call my blog what by this name will force me to drop a truth bomb here on most everyone else who is not close to my situation.

A lot of people often wonder why Tara and I aren't as excited with "no news" when we return from MD Anderson. It is not that we are ungrateful for not having cancer at this time but it because after my cancer metastasized it means I can never actually be "Cancer Free". It just means we know the microscopic cells of disease are still floating around possibly and my body is just currently not showing signs or symptoms they can read with current technology, what we refer to as NED or No Evidence of Disease. So even though a good trip with no bad news is a blessing, for Tara and I, it is more like hitting a three month reset button or like inputting the button code from LOST, which leads to "doomsday" if not pressed. Actually, the whole thing is like a LOST episode, our doctor even reads a "Previously on..." each time. (Sorry if that's a spoiler, but come on, LOST has been off the air for almost 10 years.)

Share the adventure

And there you have it friends. Truth bomb delivered! This isn't to say we are giving up on a miracle happening, this is just where we are in this part of our journey.  I hope you can enjoy this (hopefully weekly) journey with me and my sharing will maybe mean something. If not, I will probably still write anyway because I am supposed to and I need to. Talk to you next time on Cancer and the Blogspot!