You and Everyone Else
Today I checked in at the patient hotel attached to MD Anderson for check-ups and test. We got a late start which put us here very late. We missed the dinner, and there is currently Houston's big rodeo going on, so we didn't want to venture out to avoid more traffic. Thank God for Waitr. For those who have never used Waitr, it is an app service that allows delivery from certain restaurants. We decided to meet the driver in the lobby just to avoid any trouble with the hotel allowing him up to the room. There was a big loud person at the front desk, a lady screaming at the security guard because the security guard helped another guest first. This lady says, straight face, "I can't handle you being rude, I've had a rough year!" This was enough to get me to turn around and take note. This lady seriously tried to pull the cancer card on the security guard here. One thing about the cancer card, it doesn't work at a place like this. I really wanted to look at her and say, "You and everyone else here at the cancer hospital!" It's not a competition to beat others at having cancer, if it was, I'd forfeit gladly.
Now I don't know this lady's situation, she may have been going through this the first time, alone, or something but she needed to understand that she is making a high-stress situation harder on everyone because she isn't getting her way. For the record, the was demanding the hotel move her room because she doesn't like being by an elevator or ice machine, in a fully booked hotel. The manager was being gracious and told her while they try to consider every request, at times they can't always fill all of them. (Something to consider, quite a few people scheduled their appointments to coincide with the rodeo. It's not my thing, but if ever there is a concert I want to see in Houston, I might do the same.)
Empathy is an Art
We as human beings tend to be very good at sympathy, but empathy is far less easy for most. The general rule most people follow is to try to "Me Too" as empathy. While relating is part of empathy people usually come off as one-upping with this approach.
Now that I have been in this situation, I find that being understanding is the best approach for empathy. It is the method I like. I have a co-worker that is a pro at this approach and it has made me very comfortable sharing my experience with her. I know talking about chronic illness is often uncomfortable, but it is always good to remember that people are allowed to feel that their crap is soul crushing even if it seems little in the grand scheme. I try to practice this often as a teacher, students feel like their life is over with a bad grade or a difficult relationship and while I often want to tell them it doesn't matter in the grand scheme, that is their view of their world so it is breaking to them. Side note on this, there is a fine line most teeter on where feeling crushed and over exaggerating meet. Don't cross that line.
The Cancer Card
One tool of causing instant empathy I learned about six years ago was the Cancer Card. Kenny, the man who makes my prostheses and has been my mentor on the whole thing, being an amputee himself has advised me to play the Cancer Card or Disability Card when needed. His thinking is that having a disadvantage gives you the ok to turn something into an advantage. I do if needed but I don't always because I know there are many who abuse these sorts of things. See Also: Disney Disability Pass. The one I have never done but should is plane boarding early for disability instead of paying for early boarding.
Like the lady today should have known, there are some places you just can't play the card. I get it though, she is used to it working. That in mind, I do ask that you consider others that do play it. Sadly we live in a world where dishonesty goes unchecked. As a caring human being, it hurts. It hurts that times I feel like I can't or shouldn't help someone in need because there are those that aren't really in need and are just looking for an easy way.
I promise to only play my Cancer Card when I feel like my illness really is a hindrance to a task or event. I trust in you all to keep me accountable but also be empathetic when I need it. It is a lot to ask but I hope through these writings I am making an effort to help you all undersant my plight and in turn know that others need a little empathy too.
